I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Can Purell be used as lube?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
