Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
