She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
