A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
