I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
