i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
