This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
