when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
