Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
