my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
