How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
