The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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