So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
