I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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