Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
