My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
