he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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