I feel like I'm in dance class right now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
