Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
