The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
