When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
