I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm always down for nudity.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
