I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
