Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
