Pants 0. Shit 1.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
