I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
