the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ketchup is God's man juice
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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