Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize