we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
