I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
