And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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