Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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