We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
