If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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