Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
