I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
