Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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