everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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