i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
