I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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