And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
