I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
