Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
