If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want nice things and good sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
