Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
