Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I need moral support for this bender
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
