I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
