Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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