I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
