FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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