You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i will never coherently bang her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
